Sunday, June 3, 2012

Fifty Shades of Absolute Shame by E.L. James

Fifty Shades of "Gray" Yes, I know it's "Grey". But see, here's the important thing to note. Grey with an "e" is the name, gray with an "a" is the color. I believe it's not coincidence this author picked the word/color Grey/gray for the title of her book. Gray is a bland color, devoid of much life, premise, substance, or anything worth discussing - much like this book.

Anastasia Steele (seriously, really - the puns are endless for this last name) is some twenty-something college chick that goes off to do an interview with a Fortune 500 company because her roommate, who is supposed to do the interview, is sick. I'm not even going to bore you with the faults of this plot line. 

She enters Grey Enterprises, and has her interview with the marvelous, twenty-seven year old billionaire tycoon with no problems from security, etc. even though she is NOT the name on the interview docket. The number of perfect blondes that work in his office is so cliche, I will again, spare you the agony of this information.

From here, she's in love - wants him, needs him, etc... and then the rest of the book is tawdry, abusive, incompatible sex (and I use this word loosely too). Spoiler alert: She just looses her virginity to some guy she's doesn't know, that doesn't love her, and has already shown her his "room of torture." Are girls that naive? Is there so little respect for someone's first time anymore? I could at least respect the character if she'd thought he loved her - give me something to go on here James.

I cannot even give this one star. This was, by far, the most mind-numbingly boring book I've ever put my hands on. I would rather read the smut at the grocery store checkout lines. I don't understand what all the hype is about. Yes, there is sex. But not romantic sex, it's abusive sex and maybe that's the problem - I'm just not into and S&D relationship mostly because I have Christian values and respect myself too much for this. I believe sex is a partnership. And I'm not preaching to anyone here, I'm not going to expound on the religious context of sex, but I do think that sex is something meant to be shared, not submitted. That's just my humble opinion. 

As far as writing and plot goes - we'll just say there is none. I had hoped with all the excitement about the book that an author had finally taken the concept of being racy and combined it poetically with a solid plot and good writing - nope and nope. 

The vocabulary is truly terrible. It's like she pulled out a thesaurus and just started looking for the biggest words she could find to throw into sentences; a haphazard effort to produce some shred of solid writing. And I will not even begin to dignify the poor sentence structure - was there an editor on this book? Or were they too busy skipping through to the sex scenes to pay attention to the actual writing? I believe that may have been the problem.

Everyone I know that has read the books (it's an entire trilogy - three books about sex) and "loved" them, admitted they just skipped the story and read the sex. That is not what I want when I read a book. This give me great pause as a woman - particularly as a woman of faith. When I open to page one, I want to be thoroughly engrossed in that fictional world until I close the book at the end with satisfaction, and a little sadness at saying good-bye to the friends I've made. 

"Fifty Shades of Grey" was truly unsatisfying. Take that comment however you'd like.

And if you aren't picking up on her satirical dig at religion and the biblical intimacy of sex - then you've missed the ultimate pun of his name being Christian. She got you - she got you hook, line, and sinker. 

I will now return myself to reading real books. I realize I'm the minority on this opinion, and that's okay. I am happily married and my husband is perfectly pleased that a book isn't what swirls around inside my head. I don't need a book - God provided a partner in my life, and he'll provide one for you, too if you'll let him. Put down the book.

My opinion may be unpopular, but I'm not alone. And I challenge those in defense to consider why you are so "hell-bent" on arguing the merits of the book. Who are you trying to convince? My guess is - your own guilty conscience. That's who...because I'm a lost cause on this one. And you know it.

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