|Might as well go with a good looking Hamlet.|
But back to the issue as hand - my own "to be or not to be..." - my job. I've posted a bit about it here and there, the struggles to maintain my professionalism against being the best mom and wife I can be. I feel like I'm failing miserably this year at all three tasks (although Jerry and CJ assure me I'm not). But, I know I can do a better job. I also accept that some of it is pure selfishness. I don't want to be the "working girl" anymore. I want time to do things I enjoy and that, my friends, is a complete luxury. The question is - can I do it all?
I tried to go back to work after CJ was born and it didn't last. I quit with the extreme support of my boss at the time who even offered to allow me to bring CJ to work with me everyday strapped to my chest in a Baby Bjorn (um, yes - best boss ever!). I missed him so much when he was a daycare and I couldn't concentrate on my job when he was with me. I was torn, and made the decision to stay home. A decision I did out of fear and necessity but not true understanding of the value of being a stay-at-home mom. I went back to work when he was right at a year old and have been toiling away every since. What was I thinking??? Of course, since then, I've incurred debt (mostly a Master's degree) that now I need my job to pay off. And I regret it. I don't regret the education, but I regret not valuing the time I had home with my son when it was there, before I found myself unable to return. Please no preaching about "regret" - it exists, we've all felt it.
Now, I work all the time. I've had to cut out small niches of my life to be able to be there for my son and I feel like it's not enough. I raise other people's children all day, with little success it seems, and watch my own son flail in the breeze. I miss every awards ceremony, school lunch, field day, and library night because I'm either at work or so exhausted I can barely keep my eyes open. I hate it.
|I miss this child all day long, even when he drives me batty!|
So, in short, I don't know if my tenure as a teacher is to be or not to be, but I know my tenure as a mother is. The continual question at hand is how do I make it all happen? Winning lottery ticket anyone? Share!